[teh_funnay] Your Horoscope For The Week

1728.

• Aries (21 March-19 April) : Erudition can turn away rack and ruin. Too bad you dropped out of school in fifth grade. Expect the unexpected … for instance, being employed as monosodium glutamate somewhere (who saw that one coming?).
• Taurus (20 April-20 May) : You are tops in reading, writing and arithmetic … you smug bastard. Late in the week, you will meet a tall, dark stranger. He will throttle you to death.
• Gemini (21 May-20 June) : Use your brains! You make a better door than a window! Your romantic desires and needs are extremely funny, and that’s all the stars have to say about that.
• Dwayne (22 June, 10:30 AM to 3 PM, odd minutes only) : Your application to join the BPOE? Rejected. Sorry.
• Cancer (21 June-22 July) : Envision winning. Picture exactly how you’d like your week to end. Got it? Good. Enjoy your third shift security job on Saturday and Sunday, because that’s how it’s actually going to work out. Try not to be too bitter. You will meet a tall, dark stranger, who will throttle you to death.
• Leo (23 July-22 August) : The stars thought you were going to win the lottery … but then remembered your sign has a dorky name, so they gave it to Taurus, whose name sounds like one of them hot alien chicks in Star Trek.
• Virgo (23 August-22 Sept) : The face you show to the world tells the world how to treat you. The stars indicate you should seriously consider plastic surgery. We say go for it.
• The Duke (23 Sept, 7 PM Eastern, 8 PM Pacific, in odd years lacking a Q) : Slap some bacon on a biscuit and lets go! We’re burning daylight!
• Libra (23 Sept-22 Oct) : Dude!
• Scorpio (23 Oct-21 Nov) : Important people close to you inspire you to be a better person, but you’ve always been kind of snotty, so you’ll ignore them as you usually do. You will meet a tall, dark stranger, who will throttle you to death.
• Sagittarius (22 Nov-21 Dec) : Look, it’s bad enough that you have the upper body of a human and the lower body of a horse, and on top of that you carry a crossbow? Write you a horoscope? You’re lucky we don’t run your backside out of town, freak.
• Capricorn (22 Dec-19 Jan) : Check out Sagittarius’s horoscope. You’re even worse. Take the hint. And we still haven’t forgiven you for that fake mission to Mars.
• Aquarius (20 Jan-18 Feb) : While your skills at math and gaming are without peer, the fact that you are a video game/computer console only produced by Mattel Electronics for four months in 1983 has severely limited your career options to hanging out on a shelf at a Goodwill just waiting for some ironic collector to pick up for 1/20th of the original price. Your speech at the Democratic National Convention will come off as awkward, complicated by the fact that you weren’t invited to make one.
• Pisces (19 Feb-20 Mar) : You enjoy working for scale. You are a tall, dark stranger with a penchant for strangling people. You will need to find space for three bodies this week, most likely those of Taurus, Cancer, and Scorpio. But you didn’t hear that here.
• IF THE 25TH OF AUGUST IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: You are a newborn and couldn’t possibly be reading this. Beats us how you’re accomplishing that.

Tags: teh_funnay, satire, horoscopes, sarcasm

Powered by Qumana

[Address_Nerd] Another Address Obsessive … In A New York State Of Mind

1727.

(via The New York Times Effect On Man) I knew I wasn’t the only person in the world who obsesses on addresses and their meaning and how they lay the way they do. Christopher Gray of the NYT:

EVERYBODY knows the best addresses: Park Avenue and foremost, Fifth Avenue. That’s why the developer Jack Heller secured special permission to renumber the old hotel he is converting to condominiums at 2 East 86th Street, 100 feet east of Fifth Avenue, as 1049 Fifth Avenue.

Who would ever consider the sidestreet address more prestigious?

Lots of people, that’s who, back to the early 19th century when the idea first arose that cachet was to be found where most people wouldn’t look.

"Cachet" … that certain something that can separate the wheat from the chaff, is inherent in street addresses. Cachet is defined as one finds it … and though today, a Fifth Avenue address in Manhattan is one so desirable that developers will, as demonstrated above, attempt to bend spacetime in order to make sure they get one.

It’s as true here in Portland as anywhere else. Simply say your home address is in Southwest and people tend to assume you live in a cosy, solid, expensive-ish house on a curving, tree-lined street. Northwest tends to connote the yupscale, the artsy. Northeast is kind of a mixed bag, but upper middle-class predominates. Southeast? Blue collar. North? Still a lot of negative baggage with that one.

Your mileage may vary with your own experience there of course.

But Gray’s article does demonstrate that tastes and perceptions change but the idea remains the same: addresses can say a lot about the resident thereon.

Anyway, give the article a read. It’s a good ‘un.

(illustration hotlinked from here)

Tags: addresses, address_nerd, manhattan addresses, fifth avenue, park avenue, social status, cachet, prestige

Powered by Qumana

[urban_design] A Bunch Of My Favorite City Street Grids

1727.

By no means complete.

Click each link to to to the city map, courtesy Google Maps.

1. Twin Falls, Idaho
2. Idaho Falls, Idaho
3. Ontario, Oregon
4. Pendleton, Oregon
5. Albuquerque, New Mexico
6. Texarkana Texas/Arkansas
7. Duluth, Minnesota
8. Detroit, Michigan
9. Grand Rapids, Michigan
10. Canton, Ohio
11. Tuscaloosa, Alabama
12. Miami, Florida
13. Pensacola, Florida
14. Bristol Tennessee/Virginia

Explore, comment, whatever, You all know me; I love talking street grids.

Powered by Qumana

[design] Teh Coolness In Business Cards

1726.

(via The Fire Wire) A designer will be asked from time to time to design a "business system", by which we usually mean a coordinated system of stationery … envelope, letterhead, and business card.

Doing this is fun. Not only do you figure out how to implement a logo and identity into a presentation, but unify it across various pieces. The opportunities I’ve had to do this (not nearly enough, and have I mentioned I’m available?) I can tell you there’s a sort of rush you get when you can establish a solid connection between such disparate parts.

I imagine that sometimes, though, you get the client that allows the budget to really try and break out and do something delightful, aesthetic, clever, and even award-winning. I saw a few over at The Fire Wire today (the following images are hotlinked for commentary only. All credit goes to Larry at The Fire Wire). Here are a couple that really caught my eye.

This first one, right, is for a landscape engineer. The game goes in two stages. To the unaided eye, it looks like your normal business card … but wait. We find out soon enough that it’s an envelope; to be exact, a seed packet. We’re further engaged by instructions on the packet that invite us to get in on the act with the firm:

For best results,
spread seeds then add Lush

Lush is, of course, the name of the firm (and an apt one at that). The card encourages you to have fun with it … and when you’re ready to take it farather, so are they.

Another of Larry’s finds that I enjoyed quite a bit can be seen there on the left. A business card, complete in shrink wrap and a styro tray, suitably stickered, and your business card is now on the market … the meat market perhaps, but designing is somewhat of a dog-eat-dog business, as I’ve found.

What I enjoy the most about this one is the way the supermarket-product paradigm was so skillfully employed, down to the realistic looking sticker on the outside. It might be too good … you almost don’t want to open it, because if you do, you’ll ruin it. You can be too clever. But you can’t deny the flash of inspiration that this involves, and the way it invites you in.

And for one more, let’s get a look at the one on the right there. Kevin Mitnick is a legendary figure in the annals of computer security, and perhaps the most notable syscracker of the 20th Century. He used his mind like a set of lockpicking tools, famously ascertaining passwords and other access keys through shrewd social engineering (getting people to divulge priviledged information by sheer social manipulation). It’s fitting, then that Mitnick’s business card – made of metal – actually contains what appear to the uninitiate to be actual lockpicking tools. If you go to his site, you’ll find a link to a QuickTime movie where someone actually uses these implements to pick a lock (and how you can get one of his cards for your very own).

Kevin Mitnick hardly needs to sell himself, but still, when you want to leave a signature, you go with what you know, with your passion.

I won’t nick every picture from the article; just enough to make a point. What’s the one common thing that all these cards have? They draw you in, make you a part of the game or allow you to have a little bit of the fun yourself. Certainly they’re adventurous and brave. But by doing what they do, they share a little more of the card-issuer’s passion and personality. You get to know them a little better. By the time you’ve met them again, they’re not just a business contact, they’re a friendly acquaintance with a sense of humor.

Business cards can sometimes do a whole lot more than we can count on. It just takes a little more inspiration (and, perhaps, the concomitant production budget).

View the entire Fire Wire gallery here.

Tags: graphic design, business card design, clever design, business systems

Powered by Qumana

[design] Teh Coolness In Business Cards

1726.

(via The Fire Wire) A designer will be asked from time to time to design a "business system", by which we usually mean a coordinated system of stationery … envelope, letterhead, and business card.

Doing this is fun. Not only do you figure out how to implement a logo and identity into a presentation, but unify it across various pieces. The opportunities I’ve had to do this (not nearly enough, and have I mentioned I’m available?) I can tell you there’s a sort of rush you get when you can establish a solid connection between such disparate parts.

I imagine that sometimes, though, you get the client that allows the budget to really try and break out and do something delightful, aesthetic, clever, and even award-winning. I saw a few over at The Fire Wire today (the following images are hotlinked for commentary only. All credit goes to Larry at The Fire Wire). Here are a couple that really caught my eye.

This first one, right, is for a landscape engineer. The game goes in two stages. To the unaided eye, it looks like your normal business card … but wait. We find out soon enough that it’s an envelope; to be exact, a seed packet. We’re further engaged by instructions on the packet that invite us to get in on the act with the firm:

For best results,
spread seeds then add Lush

Lush is, of course, the name of the firm (and an apt one at that). The card encourages you to have fun with it … and when you’re ready to take it farather, so are they.

Another of Larry’s finds that I enjoyed quite a bit can be seen there on the left. A business card, complete in shrink wrap and a styro tray, suitably stickered, and your business card is now on the market … the meat market perhaps, but designing is somewhat of a dog-eat-dog business, as I’ve found.

What I enjoy the most about this one is the way the supermarket-product paradigm was so skillfully employed, down to the realistic looking sticker on the outside. It might be too good … you almost don’t want to open it, because if you do, you’ll ruin it. You can be too clever. But you can’t deny the flash of inspiration that this involves, and the way it invites you in.

And for one more, let’s get a look at the one on the right there. Kevin Mitnick is a legendary figure in the annals of computer security, and perhaps the most notable syscracker of the 20th Century. He used his mind like a set of lockpicking tools, famously ascertaining passwords and other access keys through shrewd social engineering (getting people to divulge priviledged information by sheer social manipulation). It’s fitting, then that Mitnick’s business card – made of metal – actually contains what appear to the uninitiate to be actual lockpicking tools. If you go to his site, you’ll find a link to a QuickTime movie where someone actually uses these implements to pick a lock (and how you can get one of his cards for your very own).

Kevin Mitnick hardly needs to sell himself, but still, when you want to leave a signature, you go with what you know, with your passion.

I won’t nick every picture from the article; just enough to make a point. What’s the one common thing that all these cards have? They draw you in, make you a part of the game or allow you to have a little bit of the fun yourself. Certainly they’re adventurous and brave. But by doing what they do, they share a little more of the card-issuer’s passion and personality. You get to know them a little better. By the time you’ve met them again, they’re not just a business contact, they’re a friendly acquaintance with a sense of humor.

Business cards can sometimes do a whole lot more than we can count on. It just takes a little more inspiration (and, perhaps, the concomitant production budget).

View the entire Fire Wire gallery here.

Tags: graphic design, business card design, clever design, business systems

Powered by Qumana

[netwerken] Verve Earth … What Good Is It?

1725.

Since I am, in my humble opinion, a vastly underrated blogger, I look for any opportunity I can to network and to get the name out there. And one of the things I’ve stumbled on is Verve Earth.

Verve Earth is (or seems to be) another way to aggregate blogs, with each person who embeds Verve HTML into thier pages being mapped to a Google earth map. It’s easy, once you click on the Verve badge, to begin to surf blogs as to location and region. So far, the Verve-linked blogs in Oregon mostly center in the greater Portland area, though there are a few out in the hinterlands.

I’m favoriting local blogs as a way of trying to connect to the greater whole. I’ve found some unexpected Verve-ers; Bpaul, whose blog I enjoy (and have linked to) is one, as so is The Wines Family’s blog (I’m not big on Duck football, but I do find the "What Is It" regular feature quite witty).

Is there any other local Verve-ers who’d like to connect? Just click on the Verve Earth Badge in this post (or in the sidebar) and shout at me on the Wall. You might find out I’ve already favorited you …

Tags: verve, verve earth, blog networks, netwerken, blogosphere, bpaul, wines

Powered by Qumana

[us_politik] Joe Wins The Veepstakes

1724.

We just learned via phone (and posting via ASCII terminal) … … It’s Obama/Biden.

Now, the fun begins.

UPDATE: Just to go on the record, we don’t like Biden because he loves the credit card companies too much, and helped them get the Keep The Poor Poor Bankruptcy Reform Act though. But from the field of possibles, he’s about the best choice, if only because he’s brilliant in foreign policy – which he’ll have to work like a bee-yotch during his first administration.

Everyone join me in voting Obama/Biden … if not because their better, at least because they’re less worse.

Tags: obama, biden, us_politik, President 2008

[memery, teh_funnay] We’ll Always Have Rickrolling. Apparently.

1723.

(via every bloody blog on Earth) Dateline, everyone and everywhere: August J. Pollak does the impossible – breathes life back into the rickroll:

"And now, America, what you’ve all been waiting to hear!" shouted the Junior Senator from the state of Illinois, as an American-flag-decorated curtain dropped behind Mr. Obama, immediately followed by the familiar opening drum beats and funk synthesizer chords of Astley’s 1987 hit single, "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Pumping his fists downward in a striking motion as he spoke, Mr. Obama continued, "you just got Rickrolled, America!"

Gods, I hate you, Mr. Pollak. Why couldn’t I have thought of this? Why, why, why?

I love you, too; the riffing on Cory Doctorow was priceless and dead-on, including the ending stating "it is assumed that as of press time, Mr. Doctorow is still talking."

Tags: august j. pollak, rickroll, barackroll, meme, teh_funnay

Powered by Qumana

[memery, teh_funnay] We’ll Always Have Rickrolling. Apparently.

1723.

(via every bloody blog on Earth) Dateline, everyone and everywhere: August J. Pollak does the impossible – breathes life back into the rickroll:

"And now, America, what you’ve all been waiting to hear!" shouted the Junior Senator from the state of Illinois, as an American-flag-decorated curtain dropped behind Mr. Obama, immediately followed by the familiar opening drum beats and funk synthesizer chords of Astley’s 1987 hit single, "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Pumping his fists downward in a striking motion as he spoke, Mr. Obama continued, "you just got Rickrolled, America!"

Gods, I hate you, Mr. Pollak. Why couldn’t I have thought of this? Why, why, why?

I love you, too; the riffing on Cory Doctorow was priceless and dead-on, including the ending stating "it is assumed that as of press time, Mr. Doctorow is still talking."

Tags: august j. pollak, rickroll, barackroll, meme, teh_funnay

Powered by Qumana

[tutorials, teh_funnay] You Suck At Photoshop #15: Donnie’s On The Run with Define Pattern

1722.

Donnie’s got his bolt-hole … and a few minutes to teach us about filling a space with defined patterns:

Of course, his way of hiding out is quite easy for Sn4chbuckler to figure out. It should be remembered, however, that the only thing Donnie excels at is Photoshop … in everything else, he’s a shambolic mess.

What Define Patttern does is allow you to select a bit of some pattern, whatever it is, and create a pattern swatch out of it. This pattern can then be used as fill in other selections or in objects or whatever.

Actually, the demonstration of Define Pattern is a good one, but there’s more at work here. What you got here was a basic lesson in tessellation. Tessellation is simply the covering of a surface in tiles such that there are no gaps or breaks. At its heart it’s not really even complicated … if you take 25 Scrabble tiles and lay them out in a 5×5 grid, you’ve got a tesselation right there.

The magic happens when you use the tiles to carry a patter. M.C. Escher was the Zen master of tessellations, of course. When Donnie is berating you into selecting a certain part of the soundproofing pattern such that repeating it will create a seamless look, he’s trying to make you think of dividing out a pattern chunk so when it’s tessellated, it’ll repeat with no obvious breaks.

Your not only thinking inside the box, you’re also thinking outside the box … and along the boundaries of the box, how that box will intersect with the other boxes, and how those other boxes will continue the pattern.

The folks at Big Fat Brain are brilliant this way. I wonder if they knew they were teaching a highly advanced art concept?

Well, just watch Donnie. Hope for the best. I don’t like the look of that fellow peering in through the window …

Tags: big fat brain, you suck at photoshop, YSAP, donnie hoyle, define pattern, Photoshop

Powered by Qumana