[writery] Young Dr. Spock, Paging Young Dr. Spock

2411.When I was a kid, one of the first memories I have was watching Star Trek on a Silvertone black and white console TV.

I didn’t know the alien was green for a very long time.

Thus begun years of correcting my elders: “No, Mom, it’s Mr. Spock. Not Dr. Spock”; “No, Mom, it’s not Captain Spock, it’s Captain Kirk, Mister Spock … no, that’s Mr. Spock, not Dr. Spock … ”

And so it went. Now, I was alive long enough ago to know who Dr. Spock was. If you’ll recall, he was the pediatrician who gained fame for a book, Baby and Child Care, as was blamed by a lot of rural, John Bircher, and old-fashioned old-school parents for creating the so-called “permissive” childrearing approach.

Kind of the opposite of a Vulcan child-care expert, actually, if you think about it.

But you’d think we’d be beyond the name confusion, tho? Heck, no, not even caaa-lose!. Today, at the website The Celebrity Cafe, in announcing the cancellation of Heroes, enumerated the achievements Heroes alums have notched, including Zach Quinto’s assistance in the recharging of the Star Trek mythos:

The text, which still reads of that as of this writing, is as follows:

Several of the show’s breakout cast members such as Ali Larter, Hayden Panettiere and Zachary Quinto found success on the silver screen during the show’s tenure. Quinto was cast as a young Dr. Spock in the 2009 remake of Star Trek,  which was one of the year’s biggest hits and he is expected to reprise the role in the expected 2012 sequel.

Quinto was cast as young Dr. Spock. Wow.

After I unrolled my eyes (I mean, how lame can you be – you’re a website, reporting on TV shows, operating over an Intartuebz that is a result, largely, of Star Trek geeks … and you can’t get TV’s most famous alien’s name straight?!?) I actually thought it kind of reminded me of those golden-era medical soap opera dramas.

With that in mind, let’s look in on a long-lost scene of that medical serial Young Dr. Spock, brought to you by Tide (Tide’s In, Dirt’s Out) …

CUE ORGAN MUSIC. ORGAN MUSIC FADES.

INTERCOM: Young Dr. Spock, Young Dr. Spock, you’re needed in pediatrics, Young Dr Spock …

DR SPOCK ENTERS R, ENROUTE TO PEDIATRICS. SUDDENLY, CHRISTINE CHAPEL, R.N., FRANTICALLY CALLS TO HIM FROM NEXT TO A GURNEY ON THE L.

CHAPEL: Young Dr. Spock! Dr. Spock! Please, come quickly! You’re the only one who can help this patient!

SPOCK: Illogical, Nurse Chapel, as this is the premier hospital in the district, employing more than 150 medical professionals. Certainly there are other physicans who can be of as much assistance.

CHAPEL: No, young Dr. Spock! This is a problem that only your unique experience can shed any light on.

SPOCK: Very well, Nurse. (SPOCK RETRIEVES THE CHART FROM THE GURNEY. THE PERSON UPON IT IS MOANING; AMONGST HIS CLOTHING THE VIEWER CAN SEE A BELT BUCKLE READING SS BOTANY BAY. AFTER REVIEWING THE PATIENT’S CHART, DR SPOCK RETRIEVES AN OTOSCOPE FROM HIS VEST POCKET AND SHINES ITS LIGHT INTO THE PATIENT’S EAR. HE RAISES AN EYEBROW) Hmmm. Fascinating. (MAKES NOTES ON THE PATIENT’S CHART, RETURNS IT TO ITS POCKET) Nurse, your illogical summoning of me was a logical move. You are correct. It’s a Ceti Alpha eel, but we may have caught it in time. Put this patient on 15 cc’s of quadro-triticale stat. I am due in pediatrics. The drug should stablize him until I return.

CHAPEL: But, doctor … can you save him?

SPOCK: Affirmative. Prognosis is excellent and indicates a full and logical recovery.

CHAPEL: Thank you, young Dr. Spock!

DR SPOCK ATTEMPT TO EXIT L, ON WAY TO PEDIATRICS, A BEAMING AND ADORING NURSE CHAPEL WATCHING AFTER. HE IS STOPPED JUST BEFORE HE CAN LEAVE BY THE HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR, MR JAMES KIRK.

KIRK: Spock! I … need to speak to you … immediately! These … Medicare reimbursements are … throughtheroof! What … are we gointodo … about it!?

SPOCK: Sir, those are records of successful treatment. All of my patients have made sastisfactory recoveries. This is, logically speaking, a maximum benefit for the taxpayer’s dollar.

KIRK: That may be … SpockbuttheFedsare … coming to audit. They are sending thier … top auditor a man who … isruthlessastheycome, I believe his name is … Khan N. Singh!

CLOSE ON YOUNG DR. SPOCK’S FACE AS HE TURNS TOWARD THE CAMERA, RAISING A SINGLE EYEBROW.

SPOCK: Fascinating.

BRING UP ORGAN MUSIC. FADE TO COMMERICAL.

It needs polishing, but I think I could sell this.

Damn shame it’s not 1955. I would have liked to have met Jack Paar.

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